Meet Our Neighbors. We Can Trust Them With Coronavirus. Seriously.
Ladies & Gentlemen of Fargo, West Fargo, Cass County and state of North Dakota:
Allow me to introduce you to your neighbor, Larry. That’s him in the center, along with his brother, Darryl (left), and his other brother, Darryl (right).
These gentlemen will be in charge of your health and safety through the duration of the COVID-19 pandemic, by NONORDER #1 from N.D. Gov. Doug Burgum, the Cass County Commission, West Fargo City Commission President Bernie Dardis and Fargo Mayor Tim Mahoney.
The governor, commissioners and mayor are quite confident in their commitment to “personal responsibility.” In fact, they’re “in lockstep” in their conviction. They said so several times in their press conference today. (Burgum wasn’t there, unfortunately; he was attending to other coronavirus / COVID-19 NONORDERS.)
Nevertheless, you can be secure in the notion that your neighbor, Larry, and his brothers, Darryl and Darryl, will take the highly infectious nature of this deadly virus and their commitment to voluntary social distancing seriously and stay at home to slow its spread.
There’s no enforcement based on NONORDER #1 unless police see a gathering of 10 or more people. Yeah, it only takes ONE infected person who doesn’t know they’re infected to infect an entire village (or city), but, hey, we’re feeling really good about this. Because, you know, our neighbors are all super-smart and crazy careful.
We can trust these guys. Seriously.
What’s that? The people who you’ve already seen ignoring the governor’s directives for weeks? Never mind them. This local restatement of the state directives and repackaging of them as “Stay Home. | Save Lives.” is guaranteed to solve that problem.
Larry, Darryl and Darryl.
When it comes to coronavirus and COVID-19, trust them.
* Barry Kemp and Sheldon Bull created the characters Larry, Darryl and Darryl for the hit CBS comedy “Newhart.”
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Featured image: CBS/Courtesy Everett Collection