Proactive Naming: Let’s Not Call It “Coronavirus” or “Covid-19” Anymore

A new naming paradigm – Perhaps if we call it something closer to the heart… er, um, hips… people will take the pandemic more seriously.

Image of shocked woman & man - new coronavirus name

An insightful individual recently suggested on social media that rather than “PANDEMIC,” we should call what we’re going through a “PLAGUE.”

Maybe then, they reasoned, people would take coronavirus and Covid-19 more seriously. Maybe they’d even adhere to physical distancing guidelines and wear masks in public.

I agree.

To a point. 

Given the resistance to common sense, disregard for their fellow human beings and insistence on “FreeDumb,” I recommend our new naming paradigm be even more direct, if a tiny bit misleading.

Henceforth and forever, coronavirus and Covid-19 shall be called:

The “Mask-Up-or-Your-Dick-Will-Shrink
-to-the-Size-of-a-Wine-Cork” Virus

The “Wear-a-Mask-or-You’ll-Wake-Up-With
-20-Extra-Pounds-of-Thigh-Cellulite” Disease

On the other head, given the fact that these folks aren’t smart enough to believe scientists or take the easiest of precautions to protect themselves and others from death….

Never mind.

P.S. – You have the right to smack me upside the head if I ever write or utter the word “paradigm” again, about coronavirus, Covid-19 or anything else.

 

Like this satirical post? Please consider buying IV Words a cup of coffee. If nothing else, scroll to the bottom of this page, leave your comments and sign up to receive new IV Words posts in your inbox. Thanks!

Author: Martin C. Fredricks IV

Martin C. “Red” Fredricks IV here. I’m 51 years old, husband to an amazing woman who is also my best friend, dad to three outstanding kids, Fargoan (North Dakota, that is), veteran messaging strategist/copywriter, blogger and big-time reader. (If you're gonna write good stuff, you have to read good stuff.) A ginger, too (ergo the "Red"). I enjoy hanging out with my wife, watching the kids in their academic and athletic activities, writing, hiking and riding my mountain bike.

2 thoughts on “Proactive Naming: Let’s Not Call It “Coronavirus” or “Covid-19” Anymore”

  1. I have long said that the we should tell men that one immediate side effect of having the COVID-19 is impotence. Even Aubrey Huff – who would rather “die” than wear a mask – might consider wearing one. Just sayin’. . .

Let me know what you think!