“If grief was pure, things would be easier, but there is a selfishness in mourning, and a degree of disgust for those still living and cheerful. The diversion of friends seem moronic and irritating, their love lives ridiculous, their complaints petty. Nothing can compete with grief and the griever knows it, and no matter how far into the depths he might fall, he still looks down at the ignorant hordes who cannot see death all around them.”

Graphic of cover of "When the Nines Roll Over"

My mother died seven years ago – April 13, 2014. Dad died just a little less than 10 years earlier, on July 16, 2003. In the weeks after their deaths, I felt this frustration, an anger almost, at the fact that life just… continued… around me, that people went on with their lives, completely unaware of the great loss and emptiness that had dropped suddenly and almost debilitatingly in my life. I miss them both horribly still, and sometimes even talk to them as I make my way through my days.

A graphic meme with a quote about grief

This quote above comes from David Benioff’s shorty story, “De Composition,” which is in his collection, “When the Nines Roll Over.” It comes as close to anything I’ve found to connecting me to what I was thinking and feeling after each of my parents passed on.

The collection is very good, by the way; you should check it out at your local library or bookstore.

And remember, when loss and grief come to your life and you feel angry or frustrated with those around you, it’s O.K. You’re not alone.

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Featured image by whoislimos via unsplash.com

Martin C. Fredricks IV

Martin C. “Red” Fredricks IV here. I’m husband to an amazing woman who is also my best friend, dad to three outstanding kids, Fargoan (North Dakota, that is), proud introvert, veteran messaging strategist/copywriter, blogger (https://ivwords.com) nonprofit founder (https://theclimateknights.org/) and big-time reader. As they say, if you're gonna write good stuff, you have to read good stuff. A ginger, too - ergo the "Red" - although some of it's going white. Cinnamon-Sugar, I call it. Tattooed to boot; seven so far. At age 54, I'm stilling crankin' AC/DC & Metallica, but now and again I spin some Eric Church and Black Uhuru, too. I love hanging out with my (much) better half, spending time with our kids, writing, hiking, riding my mountain bike and reading.


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